fonmasterguard:

So no one at my friend’s old high school is allowed to dress up for halloween anymore because one year this kid came to school on a bike wearing a red jumpsuit with tampons taped to him. He rode around the school telling people he was the menstrual cycle

one time at starbucks on my cup they wrote “fuck i can’t remember your name”

(Source: lliampayne)

i shit you not

today in a bookstore a guy came up to me and said, “wanna move this over to the romance section” and i gave an uncomfortable laugh then he was like “or maybe fantasy” and he WINKED

i replied with “no thanks you look nice though” and i left superfast

he spent the rest of the day in the mystery section wondering where he went wrong

(Source: overtheunderpass)

polkadotcummerbund:

so my little brother has avengers legos and i just saw that he had the loki one set up like this and i was so confused for a minute and then i figured it out

　he’s roasting marshmallows

precipitates:

shall i compare thee to a summer’s day

thou art sweaty and warm and disgusting please go away

lolzpicx:

(Source: nerdbuscus)